We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
