So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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