It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
