I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
