It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
