Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
