His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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