Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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