You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
