There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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