**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
