Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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