Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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