Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
