maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
