Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
