plz talk dirty to me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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