Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
