Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
