you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
