what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
