Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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