So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
