Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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