Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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