everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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