im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
