I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
