Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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