His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
