what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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