Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
