Barsexuality is the new black.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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