I think I am morally bankrupt
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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