I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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