marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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