I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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