I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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