Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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