i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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