Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
