Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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