If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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