toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
