She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
