At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So squirting runs in the family.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think your dad took our porno
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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