just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
