A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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