I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
