I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
