I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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