mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
