My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
