When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
