my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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