I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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